Smartphones are only as smart as the idiot behind them (but there are Apps for that)


I was eager to simplify myself, my “life”, from all the clever, yet unnecessary & fiddly sh!t Samsung & Android OS was shoving down my throat as the must have, latest greatest fad. I never utilised half of the phone’s features and potential because it just sucked the life out of the battery, and me.  Yes, Samsung and Android had run its course in the palm of my hand and so when I held my iPhone 5 for the first time I could not help but admire the smaller, sleek design emanating from the combination of aluminium and glass.  A welcome change from the ginormous Samsung S3 with its plastic this and plastic that.  Yet, for all its beauty, an Apple is only Apple by any design.  So with that said here are the Apps, by category, that I use personally, purely because they are non-bullshit Apps that aid & abet me in my daily dysfunctional life (because yes, I too am that idiot)!

Banking Apps : Standard Bank & FNB.

Probably the most important Apps which I use daily to check my balances to prevent standing red-faced at the till due to “insufficient funds”.  You can transfer money from one account to the other real-time, and if need be, discreetly dump the R100 bag of biltong on the chocolate and chewing gum rack next to the till counter. The other thing that is even more awesome than checking your R0.00 balance seven times a day, in the hope that it magically changed to R1,000,00.00, is GEO PAYMENTS from FNB. If you and your mate both have the FNB App, and your mate wants to donate you R100 towards that biltong, then all you need to do is stand next to each other and let the App search for your friend’s phone and then you can instruct a payment to that phone….as simple as that. No need for account numbers. Bonus also, you can find the nearest branch and also it has the latest currency indicators.  Okay, if you are paranoid, there are “anti-virus” apps you can download in case you want to ensure no hacker on this planet will steal your millions in the bank.

Personal Accounts: Woolworths, Edgars, Pick’nPay & Checkers, Telkom Mobile, Vodacom, DSTV Self Service.

Yes, you can actually check your account balances with these apps, and then use your banking apps to pay your accounts. Believe it! And let’s face it, nobody wants to stand in the front of Pick’nPay and convert their Shopper Points to actual money, because then everyone will know you’re too fucking poor to even be in the shop in the first place.  With the Pick & Pay App you can convert your points before you go to the shop and just hand over your card at the till like it’s one of your many platinum credit cards.  Clev-aaar, even….

Buy & Sell Apps: Amazon, BidorBuy, Olx, Gumtree, Property24, Computicket.

These apps can always come in handy and will appeal to the avid Buyer/Seller in you.

Tools to manage your Apple: MyDataUsage, Vodacom Wi-Fi, Ookla Speedtest, Onavo Extend.

For when you want to monitor your data usage and get warnings prior to having reached your monthly data cap .  Onavo Extend will compress your data so you get more surf time for you measly 100mb allocated to you.

Productivity: My Scans, SA TaxCalc, Adobe Reader, PNet, QRReader, Yellow Pages, Google Search.

Hands down My Scans & Google Search are the best apps in this category.  MyScans converts any pics  you snap with your phone to PDF and I shit you not, this has saved my ass more than once. Google Search because, I’ll admit, Safari can be a pain the arse and Google is the answer for everything.

Travel: Google Maps, TomTom South Africa, Gautrain, AroundMe.

All the good ones that will get you from point A to G and back to B, with a new pair of shoes in hand from that “ag-te-fokken-oulike-shoppie” you didn’t know existed at G thanks to AroundMe.

Media: Pixlromatic, Keep Calm.

Let’s face it, who in the hell is going to post any kind of respectable selfie anywhere without the necessary filters applied.  I’ve found that Pixlromatic has everything a girl could need to make her look even more spectacular than she forgotten she . Keep Calm Poster generator is just there to annoy those mutherfuckers who wrongly thought the fad was over.

Social Apps: WhatsApp, Social Player, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Skype, Twitter, Facebook & Facebook Messenger, YouTube.

I think these pretty much speak for themselves other than Social Player which lets you post the current tune you are rocking on your phone to your Facebook or Twitter page.


So to all you people out there who want to get back to basics, ease of use and actually use your smart phone for something other than a status indicator, go download my recommended Apps from the Apple App Store, and maybe you too can become smarter than that iWorm in the Apple.


#JustSaying :)

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